Okay, selfish isn’t the right word.
But I’m still right (as you’ll see).
Here’s a better word: self-interested.
See, you’ve been told your entire life not to be selfish and that has carried over into believing that you shouldn’t be self-interested, either.
But life itself relies on self-interest.
Many people won’t admit that because they’ve been programmed to lie about that fact (and behave according to the lie), but it’s absolutely true.
Being self-interested is a good thing.
In fact, it’s best for everyone for you to behave according to your own self-interest. That’s what makes you honest and authentic.
I could launch into a behavioral economics lesson to explain this in great detail, but neither of us have time for that so I’ll just stick to the main point I wanted to make…
By and large, the people who are struggling and unfulfilled are where they are because they’re burying their own self-interest in a variety of ways.
They’re hiding their needs away, scared to impose.
They’re hiding their wants away, scared to take the wheel.
They’re hiding themselves away entirely, scared to be noticed.
They don’t say “no.” They don’t make waves. They don’t rock the boat.
They put everyone else before themselves, which does two terrible, terrible things:
#1 – It leaves them unhappy and unfulfilled.
#2 – It sabotages their relationships.
Healthy people and amazing opportunities become less attracted to you when you don’t love yourself enough to be unapologetically self-interested.
If it gets bad enough, all you’re left with is vultures and pity partners.
If it’s too much to do simple things that are in your own self-interest, how could you possibly come to invest in your own self-interest? Right?
This avoidance of self-interest is a vicious, vicious cycle.
Of course, it all exists on a scale and you have to figure out how bad the consequences are for you right now.
But know this: it’s not a problem anyone can solve for you. It’s a self-interest problem, which means it requires you (yourself) to step up.
All I can do is make you aware that most of your struggles exist because you’re not self-interested enough.
Taking action is up to you.
And yes, I’m aware that being more self-interested might feel selfish to you. That’s the problem.
Kevin Geary is the founder of RebootedBody.com and a respected expert on cravings, eating psychology, and long-term habit change. He’s helped tens of thousands of men and women in over 35 countries around the world through his online academy and now offers all of his signature programs through a “pay what you want” model.